Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
