wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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