I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
