My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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