I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
