So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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