Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i was in the wii world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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