Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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