Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
