my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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