it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
