so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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