We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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