Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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