you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
