I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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