It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
