he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just gargled with NyQuil
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
