As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
