Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
