I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
