He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
