theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
