Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
