so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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