She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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