Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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