I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
