Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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