last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
