I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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