Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
