I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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