So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
