I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
