considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
