oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
