Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
