Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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