Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
