My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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