just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
