just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he just fucked me for my cheese.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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