I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
