go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
