he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
