he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
