Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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