We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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