don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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