So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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